Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
