we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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