evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
