i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
