Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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