We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
