I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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