He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
