nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
