Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
