hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
