i need an iv and a liver transplant
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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