There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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