All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
