Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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