Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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