I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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