FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
