i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
