call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
