There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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