i don't like sucking hair
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
