Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
