Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
