My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
