Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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