I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ugly people sure do ruin things
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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