Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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