i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
