TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
