sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
