To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
