I feel like abortions should bother me more
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
