hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I didn't notice because vodka
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
