Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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