Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
