Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
