i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We had to coat check the pizza.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
