Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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