did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Shame - the story of my life.
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