her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
