After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize