i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
