I heard we made out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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