Already got asked if we're dating
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The air taste purple.
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