i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
