I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
