I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
