On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drake has all the answers
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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