I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize