420 ftw
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
