i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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