dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
