yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
