I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
