Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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