I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
