chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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