It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
