I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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