Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize