I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
