His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize