do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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