Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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