awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
