if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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