i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FUCK WHALES
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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