Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
