I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
