thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
