I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
